Vigil
by wholly yours
Summary: He returns to watch her, always from afar. Rated T only for safety. Sakura/Sai, Sasuke. one-shot. It's not really that angsty, but that was the closest category there is to describing this


**A/N: ****First fanfic. Last fanfic. Enjoy**

It begins as a fleeting whim. He is passing by Fire Country and the idea comes into his head, refusing to leave. It is ridiculous, and yet, the idea sticks, always in the back of his mind. Try as he might, he cannot forget it. So he stops trying and begins to plan his excursion.

It is meant to be quick. He will stand on top of a tall tree and glance into the village he had left behind four years ago. It is a smart plan, meant to satisfy his unexplainable and sudden desire to see his old village again. He would look down upon the peaceful village, laugh at the weak shinobi who lived so contently there and be pleased. He would see proof of his reasoning: that staying in Konoha would have inevitably meant his decay.

He leaps off silently into the night.

The plan turns out even better than expected— instead of the uncomfortable branches of a tree, Sasuke finds a network of telephone poles he can easily perch. He jumps, stands, allows himself a circling gaze at his hometown, eyes lingering a little longer on the dilapidated Uchina manor. Then he turns to leave. Before he is almost knocked off the pole by a bizarre sight.

It is a boy. A boy who looks exactly like him. How pathetic, he first thinks, that Konoha would need him so much that they would go to the extent of cloning. His second thought is curiosity as to how Konoha did it. Then, realizing cloning is impossible, he decides to get a closer look at this strange anomaly.

He nearly allows himself to laugh upon closer examination. The boy looks rather nothing like him. Hopefully. He has the same pale skin, the same dark hair, but he wears the most ludicrous outfit Sasuke has ever seen. Really, a cut-off shirt? What kind of self-respecting man would wear that? He turns to leave for a second time when again he is distracted.

A boy with atrociously blonde hair makes his way down the street into the restaurant the new boy is sitting. For the second time in one day, Sasuke decides to follow his whims. He stays, at a far enough distance as to not be detected, and watches.

Watching his past teammate brings back no fond memories of past revelries and jaunts. After all, he has made sure all bonds were broken at their last meeting. Sasuke watches with apathy as the blonde boy taunts and whines and shouts as if he were five.

Same dobe as always, he thinks, and turns to leave when he is distracted yet again. But this time, it is a more pleasant distraction: a whiff of the sweetest scent. He looks around for the source of the smell and sees that obnoxiously pink color.

That is when he decides to leave, no matter which distraction comes next. But he cannot tear himself away, and stays to watch his old teammates eat dinner with the strange boy who slightly resembles him.

The boy is odd, to say the least. He has no social skills whatsoever (even less than Sasuke) and manages to say the most tactless things. Whenever something insulting slips out of his mouth, the pink-haired girl gives him a smack on the head. Except, her smacks seem to resound rather loudly for someone of her size. As if she had monstrous strength or something. Ridiculous, he thinks, and continues to watch.

After dinner, the blonde boy parts ways with the rest of the team. The pink-haired girl and the dark-haired boy amble down the street, laughing and seeming to have a good time (that is, until the boy says something senseless again and she smacks him). The dark haired boy eventually turns into a side lane and Sasuke decides it is time to go. There is absolutely no reason as to why he would continue to stay in this town. So he leaves.

But not for long. He comes back, every night, to watch the pink-haired girl, knowing in his head he was quite clearly going insane, for there is nothing particularly interesting about this girl. Nevertheless, he still cannot stay away. So he comes back, night after night, watching her do the same nighttime ritual (shower, eat, read, sleep) again and again and again. She leads an unbearably normal life, occasionally going out to dinner with Ino (he shudders) or staying late at the hospital to work. Sometimes, when she hasn't returned home and it is nearly midnight, he steps in her apartment and tidies up a little, just enough that she never notices. On those nights, when she comes home just after midnight looking exhausted, it makes him satisfied that she is able to go to bed immediately without clearing up those dishes she left out in the morning. He cannot understand why.

Naturally, when she doesn't come home at the same time as usual one night, he has a right to be disturbed. After all, he is being deprived of his nightly pastime. That just wouldn't do. Sasuke waits. After all, he knows her well enough now to know that she might have gotten carried away with her studies, or have been watching a late movie with Ino. But when 3AM passes by, when the libraries and hospitals are all closed, and he sees Ino walking down the street slightly tipsy with another boy, he cannot stop himself.

When he finds her, he is almost winded by the strange feeling in his stomach. She is at a bar, talking to a male. Sasuke doesn't know why he feels anger churning at the bottom of his stomach when she jokes and flirts with that boy— the socially-retarded boy who is obviously just a replacement for him, a facsimile of the lost member of their team. The fact that Sakura is fawning after this boy, just like she used to for him, is proof in his eyes.

But inside, he knows it is different. She doesn't giggle or flatter him immensely or talk in a ridiculously high voice or add an annoying suffix to his name. They talk like adults, laughter occasionally cutting in. The boy does not seem so socially-retarded anymore. He is trying hard to win her affection, and it is working. She is warming up to him.

Sasuke hates it. Loathing is curling up, in his stomach, in his limbs, in his veins. He wants to rip the boy's limbs apart and chop them into little pieces. Suddenly, something clicks in his mind. He decides to leave and promises himself he will never return.

It's been months since he's returned. It is spring, and the cherry blossoms sprouting up in the countryside have been a constant reminder. His resolve crumbles with every blossom he sees floating in the air, with every whiff of the sweet, sweet scent.

One last time, he decides.

He is perched once again in that cozy niche in that tall tree that stands so conveniently outside Sakura's window. She is seated in an armchair, reading a book. Her hair is wet, meaning she has just taken a shower. Most of all, she is alone. Sasuke's relief comes flooding through him.

She looks at the clock and disappears into her room, only to come out minutes later wearing a dress. A dress obviously meant to go out in. Sasuke's heart drops a little, but he still retains hope. Maybe just a girls' night out, he thinks.

Wrong. She is meeting _him_ again. Their relationship seems to have progressed leagues beyond semi-awkward flirting. He takes her to a grassy hill and lays down a blanket.

"I thought we could watch the stars together."

"Sai, have you been reading that terrible '489 Great Dates' book again?"

Sai. So that is his name.

"….Why?"

She laughs. "It's just that this may be one of the most cliché dates I've ever been on."

The boy, _Sai_, looks crestfallen.

"Oh no, don't get the wrong idea, Sai. It may be cliché but it's incredibly romantic. I love it. I love you." And she kisses him.

Sasuke's insides seem filled with lead. He doesn't know why those three little words cost him so much pain. In his childhood, those words were shouted at him at least five times a day by all the girls surrounding him. Sakura said it at least two of those five times. She had even yelled it after him on the night he left.

It's different, he thinks. Because that wasn't love, it was infatuation and desperation. Now she has found the real thing, and it's not him. His wish that she would just leave him alone has come true at last, and she has. Quite completely. She has left him and the painful memories behind, locked in a past of pain and regret. She's moved on, he tells himself, and there is no reason for you to feel this way.

He returns to watching the scene below him. The young lovers embrace each other on their little blanket, pointing out constellations. They are making up new ones now, and giggle with each one.

"Look," Sai says, "that one reminds me of your eyes."

"Which one?"

"All of them."

She laughs again and kisses him. Then Sai sits up and puts on a more serious face.

"Sakura, what day is it today?"

"The 19th. Our six-month anniversary."

"It's also the five-year anniversary of the day we first met."

"Is it really? You mean the day you told Naruto he had no penis and called me ugly? I think you almost died that day, if Yamato-taichou hadn't come."

They laugh, reminiscing about the 'old days'.

Old days, my ass, Sasuke thinks. I have old days too. I was the reason she grew her hair out. And I was the reason she cut it. I knew her far before you did.

You also left, he tells himself.

Below him, Sakura squeals and practically jumps Sai. There is a ring glinting on her finger.

"Yes, yes, a million times yes!"

Sasuke takes his leave.

He doesn't know why he does it. Maybe he's got a masochistic nature in him. He cannot stop going back to Konoha to look at her. She's supremely happy, married to Sai and pregnant with their third child. She looks radiant, and Sasuke heart chips away every single time he returns to watch her. Every single time he comes, he tells himself that it is the last time.

It is never the last time.

He is hidden next to a tree, watching the happy family on their picnic. He closes his eyes for a moment to give him respite from the almost-sickening sight of the lovesick couple. He is jerked out of his reverie by a poke on his knee.

"What are you doing, mister?" The boy has black hair and Sakura's minty green eyes. For a moment, Sasuke can imagine that the boy is his own child.

"Isuko, where are you?"

"Here, mommy, I met a strange mis—huh?"

Sasuke takes one last look at the boy before leaving. Then he finally solidifies his resolve. That is the ultimate last time, he tells himself vehemently. No more, ever.

Without knowing it, Sasuke's feet take him to the last place he talked with Sakura. He stands there, looking at the bench and the gate and remembering everything: her tears, her desperation, and his cruel rejection. When he turns around to leave, he sees something completely unexpected.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"They won't miss me."

"What do you want?"

"I came to tell you one thing: stop coming here."

That's the last thing he expects her to say.

"I know you've been watching. I've known since the first night you came by. I don't know why you've kept coming back, and I kept pushing it to the back of my head, but I can't stand it anymore. You left. You can't just decide to come back and _watch_ me like that. If you're spying on me or Konoha or if you're going to abduct me or anything like that, stop being so sneaky and do it now. Today was the last straw. Last time we were both here, I begged you to stay. This time, I'm begging you to leave, and stay away from my son."

He is silent. Her words have massacred the faint trace of hope he had. For a moment, he had thought, no wished, with all his heart, that she had come to stop him from leaving again. She thinks he is here to do her harm. Of course, he chides himself, Why else would you be here? You're a class-S rogue-nin who broke her heart and nearly killed her best friend.

He says one word. "Sorry." Then turns to leave.

Then her arms are around him, hugging him as if it were the last time she would see a dear friend. "I'm sorry, too." She says.

She walks away and never looks back.

**Hope you liked; thanks for the positive feedback!**

**-edited 5/27/09**


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